Vision: The role of self-awareness and self-regulation in transformational leadership

Where are you coming from, and where are you headed? It’s a small question with big implications for everything you do in business. Because contained in that iota of an idea is an entire universe. You could choose to do anything. So why do you do what you do? In other words, what’s your mission? Leaders with a ready answer tend to outperform those without.

There are, of course, two key skills to arriving at that answer which we’ll explore in this chapter. There’s finding the right direction — setting a vision — and there’s adhering to it, or creating a system of goals, structures, and reminders that keep you in right action. (By the way, building a framework for your mission and your vision can be applied to your company as much as your personal life.)

Said another way, there’s being self-aware about where you are in relation to your destination, and self-regulating to stay on track and remain true to your values and goals. Personal insight and evolution occur where self-awareness and self-regulation meet.

Personal insight and evolution occur where self-awareness and self-regulation meet.

If seeking some visionary purpose strikes you as silly, consider that it’s not just about you. Companies tend to have visions and values indistinguishable from those of their top leader. You must set and model them yourself or it will be difficult to impossible for others. The words painted on your wall may feel inauthentic.

Gallup finds just 77% of employees don’t understand their company’s values, much less know how to act on them. Yet getting your vision and values right is a key part of what transforms a good business into a great one according to Jim Collins’ classic study of 1,400 companies.

Once you have the vision, you must cultivate a sense of discipline to make it come true. You must set guardrails and “constrain” yourself to only doing certain things — which should actually feel helpful because too many choices can be stressful. Narrowing things down to a few options is easier. For example, someone whose vision is to provide one million people with safe drinking water needn’t worry about also providing food or shelter. They’ve chosen a lane so they can make a true impact. If they didn’t, they’d diffuse their effort across many tasks, achieve little, and wind up in a reactive state.

Together, these twin skills — setting vision and sticking to it through consistent efforts — allow you to anchor your effort on that future you hope to see and keep you on track. Because without focus, you’re just reacting to your environment or what others tell you is important or urgent. You aren’t setting the agenda — the agenda is setting you.

In this chapter, we’ll explore these concepts, and while you may not find your life’s vision in just these 20 minutes (sorry), we hope to get you closer to some clarity and offer wisdom dating back thousands of years from people who found and followed theirs.

TLDR on Vision

Self-aware leaders are more effective, persuasive, efficient, and inspiring. To achieve self-awareness and set a vision for what you want and achieve it, two motions are necessary:

• Finding a vision / staying self-aware
• Sticking to the vision / constantly self-regulating

Said another way, you must cultivate an accurate understanding of who you are, how you behave, and how you affect others, and identify the change you hope to create. Then you must cultivate the discipline to act on that. There are many ways to cultivate these skills, but meditation, journaling, and self-reflection are a great start.

The role of self-awareness and self-management in honing your vision

Under stress, we tend to fall back on our most deeply ingrained habits. What are those “ghosts in the machine” for you? What controls you when you’re out of balance? What narratives and negative patterns emerge?

And just as importantly, what would people close to you say those things are for you? What about work peers?

It turns out, few people, much less leaders, give this enough thought. One study found that just 10-15% of leaders are self-aware, which the authors defined as having an accurate understanding of their strengths, weaknesses, feelings, thoughts, and values, as well as a sense of how they affect those around them. Recent research also suggests there’s actually a lot of variation in the way people experience reality — perhaps as many as a quarter say they have no inner monologue, meaning they don’t “hear” themselves think. (Most people do.)

Where are you on this spectrum of awareness? Is your sense accurate? There are two axes upon which to measure that — internal and external (pictured). Some people are more attuned to what’s happening without than within. Both types of awareness are vital.

Four self-awareness archetypes

Where do you fall on this map? How well do you know yourself? How well do you understand how others see you?

_{Source: HBR}

When you are aware, you have the power to shape your environment. You better understand why others act, how and why you react, and you can shape situations to put yourself and others in a position to make sound decisions.

But of course, as we’ve discussed, knowing is only half the effort. You must pair this with self-management.

People with high levels of self-control eat healthier, are less likely to abuse substances, get better grades in school, and build higher-quality friendships, according to one meta-analysis of 102 studies involving a total of 32,000 participants. Self-control is the “ability to override or change one’s inner responses,” and interrupt or refrain from acting on undesired tendencies. You can take a test to see how you rank on a 0-100 level of self-control. (Though if you already clicked the link, perhaps you have your answer!)

_{Source: The self-control quiz}

How would you rate yourself on self-control on a scale of 0-100%? If you do take the test, compare. How accurate was your self-sense?

The relationship between awareness, impulse control, and efficacy in your leadership style

Leaders with more self-control tend to be more effective. They’re more likely to inspire and intellectually challenge those who report to them. They are less likely to be micromanagers or abusive. Whereas leaders who lack self-control let the “ghosts in their machine” loose upon their organization and undermine themselves. They belittle, monopolize, blame, and push their agenda. And because they are the leader, few people are honest with them for fear of consequence or retaliation.

At Bessemer, we have a time-tested mantra that leaders always, “set the tone from the top.” In other words, as a CEO or leader, how you behave, how you manage your emotions, and the thoughtfulness you demonstrate with your executive team and the company will set the bar for what you expect from others.

But here’s a lesser-discussed topic among corporate leaders: Being “in charge” makes it more difficult to be self-aware at work. The simple act of being placed in a position of authority interrupts the neural process known as “mirroring,” whereby we emulate and understand the feelings of others. Said another way, “power causes brain damage,” says Jerry Useem, author at The Atlantic. Here’s more from a Harvard Business Review article on the same topic:

“The more power a leader holds, the more likely they are to overestimate their skills and abilities. One study of more than 3,600 leaders across a variety of roles and industries found that, relative to lower-level leaders, higher-level leaders more significantly overvalued their skills (compared with others’ perceptions). In fact, this pattern existed for 19 out of the 20 competencies the researchers measured, including emotional self-awareness, accurate self-assessment, empathy, trustworthiness, and leadership performance.”

In more practical terms, it’s less common for leaders to surround themselves with people who challenge their worldview or direction. This is why CEOs must commit to practices of self-reflection, build trust with a team where they feel empowered to disagree and challenge those at the helm, and also cultivate an environment that upholds intellectual honesty and remains true to the vision. (“Disagree and commit” is a phrase many in tech leverage when they don’t fully agree with the strategy, but they still agree to follow through on the experiment to drive intended outcomes.)

If there’s one belief that can keep a leader grounded is that no one is beyond reproach. Having one’s worldview or self-image challenged can make someone feel incredibly vulnerable and often, defensive. But to become self-aware requires empathy — seeing situations from other points of view — including a level of empirical thinking to understand how one might have veered off course. Consider, at least momentarily, that you are the one not perceiving reality the same as others.

And of course, our willpower to stick to our vision varies throughout the day. Every other STRIVE factor plays a role, from sleep to food. If you’re feeling unable to observe your own thinking, consider whether you are HALTed (short for “hungry, angry, lonely, or tired). Stress, overwhelm, and multitasking are deleterious to your brain. All leaders are advised to examine what drives their stress and how they can reduce or mitigate it before taking further action.

Meditative practices made corporate

The simple, yet powerful acts of pausing, thinking, and returning to something before making a decision requires a lot of discipline. This is especially difficult in competitive environments that favor speed. But this behavior — in other words, a habit — sounds a lot like an ancient practice known as meditation, a method for coming to self-awareness that predates bronze weaponry. The scientific evidence for meditation’s usefulness in decision-making and self-control is overwhelming. Equally overwhelming are the feelings some people feel when asked to meditate and be alone with their thoughts.

Take a moment. Try it.

If you have a mindfulness practice, perhaps your eyes just fluttered, your heart rate slowed, and your body felt calmer. If you don’t, or have been out of it, perhaps your mind raced and you felt an urge to touch your phone. Meditation can help with metacognition, or being able to objectively observe your own thoughts. When you become aware, you gain the power to decide.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

- Viktor E. Frankl

So now it’s worth reasking the question we began this chapter with: Do you know your vision? Why do you do what you do? Where are you headed? What do you want to make real in the world?

When you do figure it out, you may find it easier to balance the secretion of neurotransmitters in your brain, and possibly live longer.

So let’s say you have your vision and your discipline. What’s next? Create structure.

Finding “SMART” ways to bring your vision to life

Building structure into your life, through your schedule, patterns, and habits is an invisible superpower to help turn your personal or professional vision into reality.

It starts by breaking your vision into a goal. Experts recommend setting “SMART” goals, in other words: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. Sharing your goals with others is also a powerful way to help you adhere to them. In one study, anyone who simply wrote down their goal was 51% more likely to achieve it. But anyone who wrote down their goals and relayed progress reports to their friends outperformed every other type of goal-setter.

Our brains are built to learn and evolve.

There is also some evidence that simply telling yourself you can reach your vision, and are worthy of it, can help. In a study of self-affirmations, this positive self-talk activated neural activity that then led to increased action in that realm. The increasing body of research around neuroplasticity, the brain's remarkable ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life, proves that people at any age are able to adjust to new experiences, overcome deeply ingrained habits, learn new information, and recover from injuries.

In other words, our brains are built to learn and evolve.

Exercise: Journal about your vision

Now is the time to take five minutes and write a vision for yourself. Complete the following prompts:

• If I could gift one thing to the world, it would be …
• I feel I am acting my truest purpose when …
• I’m the best version of myself when …
• I was put on this earth to …

If needed, repeat several times, each time with new answers. When satisfied you have something with truth and heft, edit it down into a short phrase. This isn’t final. It’s a first step. See how it feels to repeat it.

You can leverage this exercise for personal reflection and discovery, too. You can also tweak it as a way into discovering the ethos, mission, and key values underpinning the business you are building. For example, you can change those prompts to read:

• The impact I want my company to have on the world would be…
• The purpose of our company is …
• Our company operates at its highest level when…
• We started this company with a mission to…

How do you know you’ve found the right vision for yourself or your business?

“You can’t know for sure,” says Sarah Sarkis, Ph.D. and Senior Director of Performance Psychology at Exos. “That’s one of the hardest parts of being CEO and why it's often lonely. The best you can do is pressure-test your ideas and hunt for blindspots and oversights.” (Another pragmatic reason for cultivating self-awareness and a sense of objectivity.)

Another way to find your vision is not to add, but to subtract. “CEOs are always looking to do more. But what can you subtract to become more you? What can you eliminate from your routine, from tech habits to alcohol, that could provide more mental runway to flourish?”

You can also ask those around you for feedback. You may not get true honesty on the first pass. But you may be surprised by what you uncover. Ask mentors, peers, and colleagues for an informal 360-degree review and sobering feedback on why you haven’t reached your vision.

“The goal is to glimpse what really owns us,” writes the Exos team. “Everyone is owned by something. Who are you when your back is against the wall? Where does your mind go? How do you speak to yourself? What resources do you have available to metabolize your feelings?” Essentially, if you had limited information or data, what values would determine your decisions or how you would take the next step?

Someone with self-awareness knows. And someone with equal self-regulation knows what to do about it.

Self-awareness doesn’t happen suddenly. “Most of the time it comes at a glacial pace,” says Sarah. “I caution people away from waiting for a ‘coming to self-awareness’ moment. That rarely happens. Instead, think of it as exercise. Commit to the practice, not the outcome.”

STRIVE for these seven self-regulation habits

1. Meditate — Work your muscle of self-observation. Approach it from whatever mode is most helpful, an app, recording, or timer. (Double points for doing it in the sun, and “stacking” benefits, says Sarah.)
2. Journal — Make time for daily reflection. Simply fill one page with your thoughts. It grows easier. Commit for a month.
3. Work with a coach or therapist — A skilled coach or therapist can provide some people needed structure and accountability.
4. Find better questions to ask — Our lives are a function of the quality of questions we ask. Borrow others’.
5. Seek new experiences and contribute beyond yourself — Especially “socially useful” pursuits, as celebrity psychologist Phil Stutz advises.
6. Discuss your life goals with others — Publicly commit yourself to action. Send progress reports. Form a personal board of advisors.
7. Study your own self-talk — How do you talk to yourself? Is it how you talk to others? Is it helping?